Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
