I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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