Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
