please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
