Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
