Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
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Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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