So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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