omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please don't give away my fajitas
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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