You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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