come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
