4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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