So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
