That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
