Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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