Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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