Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
