Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
