i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
