i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize