Pants 0. Shit 1.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
