The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
