I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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