I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
