Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
