i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
