I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
