Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
