I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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