It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
