They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
