I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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