I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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