She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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