Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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