It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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