haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
