Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
