just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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