if you like me you must not know who I am
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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