not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
