Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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