I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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