Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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