I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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