we made out on top of his cat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
