I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
