I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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