I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
