I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
