ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
