She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
