I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
