So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
