You can't special order awesome
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
