he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Drake has all the answers
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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