Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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