don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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