Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
