dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
