I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
