she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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