If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
