Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
