Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
