At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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