Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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