They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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