She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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