Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
