i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
